after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
