No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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