Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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