the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
