I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
