If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
