i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
accomplished twins. life is a go
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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