I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
