her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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