Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
