the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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