Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
