did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
