I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
