so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't turn off my feet"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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