Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
