we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
