you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
