i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
