so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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