this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
