I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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