just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
