So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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