I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
