Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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