Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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