Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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