Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
