so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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