When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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