If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
