This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So squirting runs in the family.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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