please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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