I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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