The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
