I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
