THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
