My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
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i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
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It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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