Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
