Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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