I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
