Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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