Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
