We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
