Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
