By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Randomize
