you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
