your thong is hanging out like whoa
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
