I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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