bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
