enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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