So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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