I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
