I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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