apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
