I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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