just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
