South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
