That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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