dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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