I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
