Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You are the jesus of drinking
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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