Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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