she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
