Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
