You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
