dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
