Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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