I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
