I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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