it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
