i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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