I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
