she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
