girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
