I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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